My crockpot hates me.

It's official.

My crockpot hates me. Or I hate it, rather. Doesn't matter - the bottom line is that it's just not working out between us.

It's been a rocky relationship from the get-go.

When I had my first experience with the crock pot, which I had eagerly registered for in a cheery red color and received at my bridal shower, I decided to make chicken and broccoli.

Do not, under any circumstances, put broccoli in a crock pot, especially not for 8 hours. My friend was laughing about it the other day and said, "Your house smelled for the rest of the time that you lived there!" - - putrified broccoli. Strike 1.

Then, I decided to cook a whole chicken in it, like mom used to do. I imagined it simmering away while I was at work, so juicy and tender with the carrots and the onions, etc...you know, like mom used to make! Lo and behold, when I opened the lid after I got home from work, there was no chicken left! It had disintegrated into a pile of herby mush. Strike 2.

Today, I had some butternut squash and a recipe for crockpot butternut squash soup. Woke up early, cut the apples, made the bouquet garni full of cloves and coriander, and came home to a very pleasant smell. Blended it up and poured myself a bowl. Ick. Just plain not good. Strike 3.

You're out.

Anyone need a crock pot?